Tips for Surviving the Last Eight Weeks of Pregnancy

I’ve arrived at that stage…

That messy bun, overtired, Adam-Sandler-lookin’-ass stage…

And I just don’t know what to do.

What happened in the last few days? A week ago, it was giving MILF. I even started a draft on defying the odds of pregnancy. I felt hot (most of the time) and full of energy, and the bump was at that perfect stage. And here I am now, a mere 72 hours later, giving maximum Sandler.

I think I’m going on day three of this inexplicable change. 31 weeks hit and all of a sudden, I’ve got a whole new set of hormones I didn’t experience this entire pregnancy. I’m equally looking like the Grinch as I am acting like him. And I am chronically switching tabs between ChatGPT and my OB/GYN’s frequently asked questions page for ‘is this a normal level of exhaustion?’

Is it though? I was just folding laundry when I needed a fifteen-minute break because one more pair of underwear would have probably launched me into a coma.

I have a draft sitting in my Notes app about all the little things I’ve done to have an insanely smooth pregnancy. But even a fats-fiber-protein-carbs meal isn’t settling this feeling, and I don’t think more calf raises will ease my bloated anxiety.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I don’t think I’ve cried since before those two lines… Or, maybe on one of those first-trimester days when I discovered I couldn’t stomach water anymore. But this is five times in five days. And I think my positive streak has ruined my ability to talk about it because I don’t want to contradict the article I published five months ago when I decided nothing was going to get me down during this pregnancy.

But here I am, probably just needing a good shower and a hug. Instead, I’m writing about it to a Substack with three people who are maybe going to read it.

In the moments between this paragraph and my last, I took a very much-needed breather. And by that I mean, the kind of inhaling and exhaling that makes your body shake because you’re trying your mighty best to hold back the tears. It was one of those collapse-into-your-husband’s-arms moments that simultaneously acknowledges everything you’re feeling without actually talking about it. I may have underestimated how necessary a hug and deep breath might be for gestational sanity, but already, the heaviness has eased.

Speaking of heaviness, did this kid gain a million pounds overnight? Why am I still eight weeks out, contemplating belly tape? I’m not even that big. But all of a sudden, I’ve got that infamous back pain everyone talks about, and my entire upper body has officially succumbed to gravity. I’m not even nesting anymore. The baseboards are clean and the condo is in baby-welcoming order. So there’s no logical reason for these constant body aches. Chat says it’s Braxton Hicks… My mom does too. I say it’s not enough of an excuse to lie on the couch all day, but my body insists on proving otherwise.

I’m trying to stay adaptable, but the increasing irritability and total lack of hormonal stability is testing me in every way. I’m clinging for dear life to the woman I was a couple days ago. Right now, all I’m getting is a stranger in the mirror—a momzilla so unrecognizable, it would take the team of National Geographic to uncover wtf is wrong with me. So, I told myself I would allow for a 24-hour unconditional grace period to figure my most recent shit out, and then I’ll write a documentary about it.

For the most part, acceptance is key. And not in that “it is what it is,” three-taps-you’re-out kind of thing. No, no, darling—I refuse to surrender to this pregnancy madness. What I really mean is that I can resist falling down this rabbit hole without denying its depth. It’s a beautiful thing to experience the many stages and changes that come with growing life. I’ve become a million times the woman I was back in January. I’m resilient, strong, well-resourced, adaptable. I’ve become a better wife, and I have faith in the mother I’ll be in a couple of weeks, too. I’ve expanded my threshold for the uncomfortable while finally putting up boundaries toward the unacceptable. And no matter how many times I’ve fallen in pregnancy (i.e., my perky breasts), I’ve gotten back up and fought for the motherhood I wanted. And no matter how many times these changes push me down (RIP my areolas), I will not let myself stay there.

So, with that being said, here’s my list of tips for getting through the last leg of the pregnancy marathon without absolutely losing your cool. Actually, it’s more like a keep doing what you’re doing list. ’Cause, as it turns out, the least glamorous habits tend to do the heaviest lifting.

1. Keep resting

You don’t get a medal for pushing past your limits, mama. And these last few weeks are going to demand more from you than the first two trimesters combined. It doesn’t matter if you need one fifteen-minute break per hour. Or if, all of a sudden, you need a nap twice a day, not just twice a week.

I don’t buy into all that ‘bank your sleep’ mumbo jumbo, but I do know what it feels like to need to sit down now ‘or else.’ You don’t get a prize for doing the most, so just rest when you need to… Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone (including yourself).

2. Keep dressing up

“Told you I should have worn the cheetah print,” were literally words out of my mouth after an emotional breakdown. My husband insisted on his basketball shorts and oversized T-shirt this morning, but had we both known this would have sent me over the edge, we might have benched this ensemble in favor of a more flattering look.

Pregnancy has taught me the effect of dressing well on one’s overall mood. I can’t even articulate the importance of a good outfit for my mental health. When so much as a shirt doesn’t sit well on these new mom tits or my pants sit too high on my waistline, I start to mentally identify with Obelix. And there’s nothing that ignites a spiral faster than looking like a fat cartoon character.

So, if you’re at the stage where there’s no more bargaining with the bump, at least opt for soft and sexy pajamas. And, don’t get me wrong, I totally empathize with closet restrictions. I am convinced most women in the third trimester wear the same four outfits on repeat. But if you’ve sincerely entered the realm of no fashionable return, by all means, stay out of your man’s closet. It will do a lot for your self-esteem and a lot more for your marriage to follow this piece of advice.

3. Keep working out

At this rate, I can only muster up the energy to work out most days because I know what it’s doing for me mentally. I attribute a large part of my gestational sanity to our four or five workouts per week. Yes, I’m personally still weight lifting [I said weight lifting, not power lifting, mom.] But that’s for precautionary reasons only—not to smoothen labor. At this stage, I’m not even thinking about delivery. I’m working out to make ‘rotisserie’ hour a little more flattering. I’ve been doing core work to prevent diastasis recti, and booty workouts to prevent mom butt. But let’s be honest, I persevere through the joint pain and sore mornings because it’s doing a lot more for the unseen than the physical lately.

Oh! And stretching has become wildly important at this stage too. I didn’t know lock-hip was a thing, but sitting in one position for too long got me grunting like Tin Man.

My record time for getting off the ground is now three minutes and forty-five seconds. Let alone if I’m lying sideways. So, I’ve taken to stretching every couple of hours now. And I highly recommend doing the same. Cat-cow pose (since I’m feeling like one anyways). Child’s pose (ironic, isn’t it?). Happy baby’s (you’ve gotta be kidding me, right?). Frog stretches. Seated spine stretches (great for that rib pain you get when the kid decides to start their Broadway career at three in the morning). And ankle rotations every forty-five seconds to prevent any further bloating in the feet.

4. Keep eating healthy & staying hydrated

The F-F-P-C (fats, fibers, protein, carbs) combo still works best for sustained fullness. After thirty weeks of dodging the infamous cravings, week thirty-one has sent me into hyperdrive. I’ve even noticed how one harmless craving can turn into two or three days of eating uncontrollably. That’s why I still obey the rule of four at every meal. It keeps me fuller for longer and almost minimizes the craving to two chocolate chip cookies instead of seven.

Not to mention, water. I totally sympathize with every woman who fears water intake in the third trimester. My personal record is a timed twelve minutes between one piss and the next. Not to mention, we might all be convinced at this point that the midnight trips are simply training for postpartum. I’m up to an hour and a half of sleep before my bladder alarm rings once again. But, in my direly humble opinion, it’s worse to be dehydrated. Much… much worse. So just fill the Stanley, Owala, or Contigo every two hours and make peace with it, babe.

TIP: Add lemon and some cracked sea salt to your water for added electrolytes. And though you shouldn’t replace your water intake with coconut water, I’ve found it really helps with hydration and an energy boost.

5. Keep self-caring

I don’t care if you’re up to four baths per day. Or if you’ve spent baby college funds getting your last-minute appointments in. Or if you splurged on that new face cream. It really doesn’t matter. The last eight weeks are equivalent to eighty years in stamina. So, do what you gotta do to feel any semblance of relief in the coming weeks.

The rule of thirds in postpartum is to try to get 2/3 checked off your self-care list. Whether that’s putting on clothes, doing your hair, or putting some makeup on. It could be literally any combination of your girly rituals. But check at least two of them off the list every day, and then continue to do as prescribed once the baby has arrived. Even though we’re doing the most womanly thing there is, it doesn’t always feel feminine. So keep prioritizing your self-care activities.

6. Keep having sex

If I could make this a headline, I would. Throughout the entire second trimester, we kept to a rhythm of several times per week. Once I hit the third, there was an almost imperceptible dry spell that I believe only took a toll once we realized it. I don’t even know how or why this is so biologically, emotionally, and maritally important, but I really recommend it. Especially given the six-week rule that’s looming on the horizon.

You will have to get creative with the positions after 30 weeks, and you will very well feel insecure at times. But this is a need for both you and your non-pregnant partner, so crank that AC, find whatever lingerie might still fit, and hop to it like bunnies. Trust me, this is a tip you only notice the benefits of once or if it disappears.

So, ladies. I write to you from a bump that’s hiding half my keyboard by now. It wasn’t easy drawing these insane conclusions, but anything for the people, am I right?

It took a few days to write this article because I needed to navigate these uncharted territories before reporting back. It’s now safe to say these six tips contribute wildly to the course of my day. I’ve made the renewed choice to chart through the rest of my pregnancy as optimistically and vigilantly as possible—continuing to do what has proven to work while adapting to new, let’s call ’em, “challenges” as they arise.

How far along are you, mama? What ‘latest and greatest’ symptoms have made themselves known to you? And how are you navigating this final stretch of your pregnancy journey?

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