Is it approval you can afford?

Ah, where to even begin? Was this article seeded in me a month ago? When we met our leasing agent in her Gucci shoes and Dolce dress? When I lost about thirty minutes of my life ruminating over which outfit would spell ‘dressed to impress… our new landlords?’

Was it about two weeks ago, when we moved into an upscale lifestyle condo on the lake—and were immediately injected into a community of mid-to-multi-millionaires? (Which would later provoke my very sense of self and threaten the life of my Louis wallet?)

Or, was it yesterday in the vintage jewelry shop, when the clerk so gracefully sold me [I mean… tempted me] on a vintage Chanel Allure cuff which, on the high of (three tequila cocktails and) our sisters’ day, and threw me right into my savings account to purchase.

I think if God could speak out loud, it was some time in the last hour when the video of a little boy having a Jesus encounter made me re-evaluate almost every one of my priorities. [Alas, ladies, though hard to admit, Chanel… *sigh…* in the face of the Lord is… not… a priority.] The TikTok video made me think of how many times I’ve chosen the things of this world when, in hindsight, they mattered only for a fleeting moment—and now will be sitting in my closet along with every other once-deemed pièce-de-validation.

The truth is, I’m not even a fan of cuffs. When picking my sister-day outfit, I deliberately opted out of bracelets because, for some reason, they make my wrists look fat. I did, too, put my floral halo ring down because it didn’t blend well with my hand tattoos.

In contrast, the only jewelry I ever wear is my gold cross. I even take my dupe Bottega earrings out at night. So why did I lose so much beauty sleep thinking about that Chanel cuff?

I knew, moving here, that our new neighborhood would be on the upper end. I’ve also wrestled with my sense of identity since taking possession of our new apartment. I type this, overlooking the lake and the haute cuisine across the walkway—a daily reminder of the new income bracket we moved into. The thing is… Mine hasn’t changed. And with the sound of designer shoes prancing on the ground below us, it’s very easy to get lost in keeping up with the Jones… and the Cartier’s, and the Pucci’s… oh, and the Van Cleefs’.

As a woman of faith who absolutely loves fashion, I thought moving here would improve my brand. In that sense, even an elevator ride to the lobby serves as inspiration. Stay-at-home-moms take their 8 a.m. yoga classes on the rooftop. The older women walk their poodles who are ironically dressed in more designer than they are. And, let’s not forget, Carl, the French bulldog with a Rolex… leash.

It’s very easy to get hypnotized by the scent of Jean Paul Gaultier and Baccarat Rouge 540 in the hallways—but what is the price of my incessant need for ‘keeping up’?

Since moving here, there hasn’t been a day we haven’t scouted new coasters or coffee tables. I’ve somehow managed to buy lamps and Lanvin within the same tabs. But with every new Amex statement, a sinking feeling in me gets deeper.

Let’s take a moment to re-visit the little boy whose Jesus moment made me rethink everything… Especially the vintage Chanel. This little boy repented at the deepest levels for being mean to his mom—and here I was wondering how on God’s green Gucci I could stray so far from home. You see, a single encounter with Christ could outweigh a million rendezvous with Christ…ian Dior. How much more would it cost me to finally learn that lesson?

We were still in bed with coffee when this video changed the course of my… dare I say, life. There was such heartfelt repentance coming from the boy that I wondered if, in the face of Heaven, I would strive for any of the things I’ve been so consumed by in my life. As if Alhambra’s would carry any value in ‘Al-Heaven.’

After a minor existential crisis and a peak in my closet, suddenly the vintage cuffs meant nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I stepped onto the balcony in my silk robe and overlooked the scenery. The restaurant was filled with brunch moms and businessmen. People walked their poodles down the boardwalk. And yet, people’s chatter was but static noise behind the deeper sound of air. At this very moment, I couldn’t see labels anymore, only leaves swaying in the breeze—no validation or glance at my wrist could amount to the sense of God-nodded approval I’ve really been striving for.

This was, and eternally will be, the most expensive epiphany I ever had. And as my eyes looked down from the sky back to my laptop screen, I realized that this incessant need for approval, no matter how much I made or how much I spent… would be a luxury I simply could not afford. Ever.

Not a designer house or vintage couture find would ever be worth how much He’s already paid for my life.

I prayed at that very moment. (Between us and my familiar Prose Club readers, I prayed as hard as my ‘Fork-in-the-road-moment’ before we started the keto diet.) It was an on-my-knees, belly deep, and in the bones kind of prayer that I wouldn’t lose another moment being conformed to the things of this world (Romans 12:2 NIV) or another cent being ‘fashioned’ to this age (Romans 12:2 ASV).

So that’s the story of how Vintage Chanel cuffs and a TikTok video made me question if approval was something I could really afford. It’s been a financial lesson as well as a deeply spiritual one. Luckily, we have a God ‘who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.’ (Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV) As dearly as I have enjoyed writing about fashion—jelly shoes, designer scents, skin oils, and summer trends—I feel that sharing the Gospel of Good News and a grace that is better than Baccarat Rouge has become my new favorite kind of feature.

Because while Hermes sales associates may lead to VIP, the narrow road leads to eternity—and I know which one wears better.

So, God… If I ever slip on a Chanel cuff again, let it be one fastened by grace, not just gold.

‘To Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.’ (Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV)

Have you ever bought something beautiful… only to realize it cost you more than just money?

Tell me about the cuff, the dress, the car, or the moment that made you rethink what you're really investing in.

xx,
Sarah Elle